Today my boss said this to me:
"So how is jewellery? Are you done wingeing about it or..?"
It made me internally angry and insulted.
I know I have this constant need to vent about my jewellery course, but it really makes me lose hope in humanity when people automatically tell me that I'm just complaining all the time and that I should just make up my mind. It kills me that I haven't complained about anything to anyone in so long, besides on my blog in order to save the bother for people around me, and once I do decide to confide in people about something that is bothering me, they throw it back at my face.
The only reason why I never talk to people about my problems is because I know they'll just tell me I'm being stupid. The only reason why I keep changing my mind about jewellery is because it's something I have to kind of decide on pursuing as a future career. Yeah, it's all just "new" so I'm "not used to it yet", but it doesn't mean that people have to be so fucking insensitive about it.
So who the fuck am I supposed to go to for support when even my own sister, amongst many others, have just pretty much told me to make up my mind and stop complaining about stress, when "everything else in life is going to be stressful". It honestly makes me feel like I should just find the easiest, bludgiest job out there because being alive is a challenge enough when people don't even give a fuck about what's bothering you.
I've never felt as alone as I have for the past 6 months. It's so much more than just jewellery.
you're entitled to all of your problems. people such as your boss are simply poking fun at how you're having trouble with making a seemingly unimportant decision, when they damn sure know that they would be worse off with their own problems if it were up to them, especially if it pretty much decided what the next few years would be.
ReplyDeleteSally I'm not being insensitive. It's just that I know you well enough to know that whether you chose jewellery or drawing, you'd still have the same things to hate and like about it. I listen to you even if I do give "insensitive" feedback or opinions, but everything I would tell you otherwise, would just be agreeing with you, which would probably make your decision even harder because we'd just be swaying between the two options. I always tell you though, if jewellery is making you so sad all the time then you should change courses, but you don't know what you want to do. I'm not saying you don't know what you want, but I know you well enough since you're my twin sister, that we are both very indecisive people and often over think the consequences of things. Maybe you should try just making a decision and settling on it.
ReplyDeleteJewellery or no jewellery? That is the question. We can use it as a metaphor for life or something.