Childhood

I’m having a really weird and sad moment thinking about high school. I suddenly miss those days when I first met all the friends I have now. I’m trying to remember what I thought or how I felt when I first met them, and how my perception of them may or may not have changed since then. It kind of makes me sad because I feel like even though I am still meeting new people at uni, there is this weird unexplainable feeling about meeting people in high school that I really miss. I never thought I’d say I miss high school this soon. It even kind of saddens me how we’ve all changed so much in some ways. Like we’ve been some how sculpted by society and everything we’ve been through. Not that there’s anything wrong with changing, but it still makes me feel quite sad thinking about it all. Although I am really happy to have the friends I have now and for so long.

I was just thinking this morning about my friend Marisa who I have known since we were in year 3 or so. Our mums were and still are friends, and we are the same age so naturally we got along. We spent pretty much every afternoon after school playing games at my house. Stuff like School, Offices and Food Shop, or making secret clubs with our own secret code alphabets, climbing the three in my backyard and jumping on the trampoline, or playing dress ups or taking photos or doing plays in front of our parents. We stopped hanging out when high school started.

I really miss play time. You know, like when you could come up with the most outrageous things to do together, like forming story based games in the cubby house, mums and dads, dress ups, pokemon, tip…or weird missions to capture people or collect the magic stolen gem.

Being an adult is both liberating but terrifying. I feel things I don’t want to feel and think about things I can’t stand thinking about anymore. I notice so many more things that I don’t want to notice because I start thinking about it too much. People tell you not to worry but you continue to do so.

I still remember when I was little I used to look at older girls and think “I wonder what I’m going to look like when I’m 18. I can’t wait”, and now here I am and I never would have thought I’d be into the things I’m into right now or feeling the way I do about myself right now.

I miss my primary school aged self. I feel like I was also so much nicer to people back then. But I remember I started to lose it when someone borrowed my yellow faber castel marker and gave it back all used up, and then saw that they had their own markers meaning they probably swapped them. Yellow was my favourite colour back then, too (wow, symbolism much). I was also bitter when someone stole my awesome pencil sharpener not long after. I felt cheated because I had always been so nice to people and couldn’t believe that someone had the audacity to steal from me.

I also remember feeling sad for my mum when I’d lose or have something stolen from me, or if I didn’t like my lunch or if I dropped it on the floor. I still remember when I fell off the monkey bars at school and landed shin first on the side of the little iron platform thing and scraped my shins really badly and blood was dripping down both my legs and no one was there except for one girl who I didn’t know, so she didn’t care. It was the most painful thing I thought I had ever experienced. I came home and told mum and she kissed me on the head and hugged me.

I want to go back to….1999. I think year 2 was probably my favourite year of primary school. I was in the split class with year 3 and so me and Stella only hung out with girls in year 3 and they were so much nicer than the other girls in year 2.

I am having the biggest block right now, with this jewellery thing. I have one more design to do and I can’t think of a good way to do it. I’ve been procrastinating all day.